Sunday, March 18, 2018
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BREAKING NEWS: Pat From Moonachie Expelled from IFOCE

Sources report that Pat Philbin, aka Pat from Moonachie, has been expelled from the IFOCE for "conduct unbecoming an eater." While Commissioner Charles Hardy would not discuss the issue, many believe it was prompted by a recent video in which Moonachie engages in an efluvic interchange with another individual.

In a portion of an email message obtained by CEN, IFOCE Chair George Shea said: "You are now delisted from the IFOCE rankings and you are no longer qualified to participate in IFOCE events, or to call yourself a Major League Eater. This unfortunate incident has sullied your reputation and besmirched the honor of all eaters. Nonetheless, I wish you Godspeed and good luck in your endeavors. Yrs. Sincerely, George Shea"

Reached at IFOCE headquarters, George Shea also refused to comment on the expulsion. He offered, however, that in this time of trial Pat may want to turn to Second Corinthians, wherein he may find guidance from Paul's discourse on suffering fools gladly.

This is the latest in a long string of celebrity video scandals that dates all the way back to Rob Lowe's 1988 video indiscretions with two women in Atlanta at the Democratic National Convention.